The more you cry, the less you have to pee.

So, yeah.

Exes? Why do we have ‘em?

Glueing tinsel to your crown.

I’m not finished.

It was summer all over again, not this mosquito and responsibility infested summer of my later years, but then… back when my laugh was love and my vengeance was eternal.

I wasn’t thinner then, I wasn’t smarter, I wasn’t quicker… I was fierce.

Baby faced and laughing.

I stood under a copper bowl sky and missed the burnt lapis of Once Upon A Time in a place I called home.

if I was quick I could have rang the sky like a bell. Sly and out of the corner of my eye I could have… if I was quicker.

Instead I told my daughter to do it. To close her eyes and make the heavens ring.

She has arms longer than forever, she’s plush with youth and flushed with beauty. I’m breathless sometimes at her potential. I’m stunned most of the time by how sudden and fulfilled she is.

I’m scared of her, for her, with her. I slip her hands into mine and want to tell her everything I’ve ever experienced. I want her to know that all devils aren’t in the wishing wells…that happiness doesn’t have a name, that there’s no one out there good enough to break her heart.

I want to tell her about my dark times about survival and recovery, I want to tell her about all my sins and how she can avoid them, I want to promise that nothing will ever hurt her, I want o promise her that I will always be there to seriously abuse anyone who even thinks of hurting her…

instead, as brown eyes wide as the skies of home rise to mine I tell her “I love you, kid” she grins, that straight, bright, open fresh and amazing smile.

“Yeah, I love  you too.”

I want her promise that this will be how it always is. That’ she’ll understand and she’ll never change, and she’ll never forget this moment under a vibrating summer sky.

It’s been this way since the world began…

1) Fussy fussy me… I forgot what it’s like to even HAVE the internets anymore. It’s been 2 years since I had the internet all to myself and WHOO DOGGY I miss it. However I have alot more time to do other stuff… like wish I had the internets.

2) I have poems all over my head. It’s a shame really, people stop and stare. Makes me all self conscience when iambic pentameters go tumbling about my head and shoulders all willy nilly.

3) Going back through a fierce Terry Pratchett stage again. I read all his stuff in high school butthen just kind of wandered away. There’s 10 years worth of work of his that I’ve been catching up on, mostly its the spinoffs of the disk world, but dude, I love me some him.

4) Our hero Zero is in hella hot water, kinda ironic because he’s trying to save the heart of winter, huh?

5) despite the nature of the universe not everything sucks right now.

6) I love you. No matter what you do, you’re aware of that right? No matter what I love you. Why? Because you came and loved me without asking it’s the least I can do… also you’re the very best person I’ve ever known.

7) I’m still in love with a girl. But it’s not all hush hush now, I told her and I’m telling you. I think it’s the easiest way of letting go. Music has a flow. I’m listening to “HandleBars” by the Flobots. Seriously, look it up.

9) An ex that I wanted to get off his ass and ask me to marry him got married to someone else… now I’ve been (happily) married for 2.5 years now… and OMG can you say FILLED WITH CONFOUNDED RAGE?

Say it. It’s fun.

10) 15 stories about our blossoming farmstead will have to wait. I’m sleepy as hell, yo.

Aunt Mary says they have the darkness there, in their eyes.

So, yeah, I’m all over this.

New job? Yeah, working at working at an artsupply store. Rock on!

And then there was that one time, @ fat camp….

 

So the kids are going stir crazy… any good summertime ideas?

 

I’ll put my gun away, but it’s loaded.

Shoot…. did I tell you I was moving?

I think I did. I posted a tidbit of a story on FausBlog. The further adventures of your hero Zero.

I’ve been getting up at 5:45 in the morning for work recently and holy shit there are alot of hours in a day. I was all telling DJ that his days were cruel and vicious since he gets up earlier than this almost 6 days a week.

Whoa, calm down mister-always-awake.

We got a dog, you totally didn’t know THAT did you? She’s a Wirehaired Vizsla and she’s way cool. I got her from a wonderful woman in Marietta who breeds them. However I forgot her website and Google is laughing at my search words.

::shakes a fist:: KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHN!

P.S. I’m going to be adding the names and artists of the songs I use in my title o that you can find them easier, it’s better than making a list of over 500  songs, eh?

Also you can listen to most of them here or on my MySpace page.

yeah, bitch, I’ve got one of them.

 

proto-typical non-conformist

WHOA! WHOA!

Hey, were you aware that I’m in love with you? You, seriously, stop thinking I’m talking about someone else, DAMNIT!

You, because you’re quirky, you because you’re hilarious, you because you close doors and don’t answer your phone.

Life is on the up swing.

I’m emplyed and we’re moving onto a 5 acre farm next month.  Yeah, I’M BRAGGING!!!

I am also dealing with mom shit.

Isn’t that the way of it? Good stuff happens and bad stuff falls all over itself trying to find you.

Instead of worries about my mom I’m going to worry about the Virginia Highlands Summer Music Fest.

…at least I can do something about this… like… go to it!!

Mom shit, wow, I wish I could explain it without sounding like a petty whining little bitch.

Ah, who cares?

I hope your days are lemon scented.

If you love me, why’d you let me go?

Urgh.

Job searching when you have no time to job search really freaking sucks. Good news though, I still have a few dog sitting contacts who want me to sit on thier dogs! HURRAH! So all’s not broken…yet.

Alright, life in the big city…or within 6 miles of said city… sucks. We’re planning on moving out of the reach of brightlights/loudcars soon… promise!

BB won an awesome stachoo for being a total brainiac at school… I think she might be adopted, lol.

Bboy won lots of ribbons for being all active and jumping on everything @ school.

Kee won a nap and some Nilla wafers.

It’s been a good week!

Off again, you’d better miss me!

How I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me. It’s like a book elegantly bound, but in a language that you can’t read - just yet

So the title is longer than the post. Life on this island is more upsetting day by day.

Job search?

Fine, it’s fine. I might even find a job. Kids? Fine they’re fine…the might even survive the summer! Yes kiddies! THERE’S HOPE.

I love you  I miss you. Srsly.

I told you once and you killed me twice.

Oh! Oh ARGH! oh argh oh argh!!

You’ll never believe what today is! IT’S THE SEMI ANNUAL CELEBRATION OF FILTHY’S GOT NO JOB!! HURRAH!!

Okay so I’m no longer working fro myself as a dogwalker and the job that was supposed to be taking it’s place fell through…big time, so here I am just loafing around until I can get someone to hire me. I hate this. OH LORD DO I EVER HATE THIS. I haven’t job searched since….. the last time I job searched!

So if you know anyone who wants to hire an angry fat girl, let me know, I’m willing to work for peanuts.. that is if peanuts equal out to many dollars per hour.

Is it okay if I speak to you today? You’ve been pissed off for a week now.

I’ll tell you something new.

I’m so fucking depressed right now it’s insane. I’M NOT THIS PERSON! I’m not the girl who curls up under her blankets and cries herself to sleep. I’m not this woman who cries like a freakin’ idiot over the least little thing.

I am not this person.

I swear.